Anger Management

We all have been the victims of anger at least once every day. We become angry whenever someone says or does something or when a stressful event occurs. We suddenly feel the anger inside us which makes us say or do things that hurt others, most often those who are closest to us. And quite often than not, we feel guilty for our actions. Anger has many consequences that we never wish would happen. Anger makes us feel as if we are on an automatic pilot where even a comment or action tends to get us started and makes us lose control of ourselves. We do not realize what we say or do when we are in anger. Anger can also sometimes jeopardize relationships with the family or career. It can bring a feeling of low self esteem. Such outbursts negatively affect people around you and such situations should be avoided as much as possible. A person can keep control over him and prevent hurting himself and others.

Anger is a very normal and healthy emotion. Anger is an essential part of our lives, till it is kept under control. Once a person loses the grip on anger, it can turn destructive and lead to problems at work, relationships and life as a whole. Uncontrolled anger is like an unpredictable and powerful feeling or emotion that takes control of a person momentarily. Anger can make a person do terrible things, which is why it is so important to keep it under control.

Anger is usually an emotional state which can vary in intensity, ranging from irritation to intense feeling of rage and fury. According to Charles Spielberg, PhD and specialist in the field of anger, anger is accompanied by intense biological and psychological changes. The blood pressure and heart rate increase when we get angry, along with the levels of adrenaline, energy hormones and non adrenaline. Anger can be caused by a specific person or an event. It can also be caused by pondering or worrying about personal problems.

Anger is quite often a result of expectations and desires that are not fulfilled. We get upset or angry when a person we look up to is unable to meet our expectations. When we get too close to someone, we expect a lot from that person. It is our mind which creates this feeling of expectation and visualizes the fulfillment of this expectation. The mind becomes angry when these expectations are not met. Another instance of anger is when a person creates a lot of rules for another person to follow, be it in official environment or personal environment. Creating rules for someone causes conflicts and more often than not, leads to anger. This can also result in destroying a relationship. In order to create a healthier atmosphere around us, we need to control our anger. This is only possible when we do not expect too much from others. It should be realized that another person or some stressful event does not cause as much anger as the expectations created by our minds that are left unfulfilled. It is the way we think which creates most of the problems and it is only us who can reduce the effects of our anger.

The first step to manage anger is by expressing it. The natural and instinctive way to express anger is to respond aggressively to it. A certain specific amount of anger is necessary for survival. Anger is a natural technique for response to threats and inspires aggressive and powerful feelings that cause us to defend ourselves when required. The inability to vent out our feelings physically on everyone is irritable and annoying. Anger is a by-product of the way we think and by controlling it, we can take control of our lives. By inciting positive thoughts in our minds, we can stop ourselves from getting angry. Always think about positive things whenever you feel that your mind is being affected by negative thoughts. A person generally tends to derive his negative thoughts from the family and friends, which can become engraved on our sub conscious minds. These thoughts rule some of our daily thinking and we slowly and steadily become accustomed to them and accept them as a part of our lives. We do not directly think about them but they affect our daily decisions and actions. Such thoughts establish themselves within us in the early part of our lives and are hard to let go of. As a consequence, negative thinking becomes a sort of addiction. Although we may be aware of its adverse affects on the physical and mental psychology, we are usually unable to get rid of this addiction. But the choice lies with us. We have the power to rule out these thoughts from our mind and include positive thoughts and experiences.

The primary aim of anger management is to lower the levels of emotional feelings and physiological reasons that cause anger. It may not be possible to get rid of them, but it is certainly possible to learn how to control and adapt to the changes. In most cases, the person concerned already knows the level of anger and how well he can handle it. However, there are certain psychological tests that can determine the level of anger and the person’s susceptibility level to it. Some people find it more difficult to control anger. They tend to get angry very easily and more intensely than others. Some people tend to show their anger loudly, curse and throw things away. Psychologists say that these people have a low tolerance level for frustration and cannot take things in stride. They are infuriated when they feel the situation is unjust towards them. They sulk away, withdraw themselves socially and even get ill. There are a number of factors which cause this kind of behavior in people. One of these factors is the genetic and psychological factor. Some children are irritable, irascible and touchy since birth and these qualities are carried on into adulthood. Some of the other factors affecting the temper of people include the socio-cultural factors. Although temper and anger is always taught as a negative trait, it is never taught how to control it or express it publicly. Therefore, most of the people do not know how to handle frustrations properly. Family background plays an important role in a person’s behavior towards stress and frustration. It has been observed that the people who are the most easily irritated come from families which are chaotic and disruptive.

The key to control frustrations lies within the person himself. By adhering to certain conditions, a person can easily overcome the urge to burst out at others in anger. There are a few anger management tips which help you to inhibit anger. These are given below:

•	Whenever you feel like lashing out at others, try to take a time out. Do things that keep you busy and take your mind off the frustration. Some of these things might seem like childish and even cliché, like counting till hundred or solving newspaper puzzles, but these are very effective in diffusing your anger and keeping your mind occupied. This is a very elementary method to control your emotions. Of course this will seem a little difficult at first but with time you will realize how well you are able to control your frustrations.
•	Try to find ways which will help you to calm yourself. Every individual is unique and the methods which work for one person may or may not work for another. But nonetheless, you should try to soothe yourself by doing gentle exercises like deep breathing and repeating words that have a calming effect on you. You can also resort to listening to your favorite music, attending to your hobby or practice meditation. These techniques help bring the adrenaline level down and consequently lower the risk of losing control over temper.
•	Physical exercise always works if you want to take out your frustration. It provides an outlet for your feelings and emotions, and works best when you are at a very explosive level. It helps in calming you down. You can try walking, swimming or even lifting weights.
•	Always think before you speak. Those who speak before they think end up hurting a lot more people. By thinking about what you are going to speak, you can prevent situations that you will regret later on in life.

Anger management can be divided into three stages. These are:

1.	Anger management before you get angry
2.	Anger management when you are angry
3.	Anger management after you have been angry